Why I Gave Up Orgasms for 3 Weeks
As a sex coach, I am a strong proponent of maintaining a regular self-pleasure routine. So you might be wondering why I would willingly choose to abstain from orgasms for a period of three weeks (actually, a bit longer, but close enough). If we’ve ever met, you’ll know that this is WAY outside the norm for me. So, allow me to explain all the reasons behind this decision.
The Sex Coach's Dilemma
As a sex coach, I recommend a consistent self-pleasure practice to everyone, especially vulva owners. But sometimes, even the experts need to shake things up a bit. We can get stuck in our routines and become comfortable with what we know. Although yes, learning your own body’s pleasure map is vital to a satisfying sex life, it’s also important to stay connected and not just be in a rut. So, when the opportunity arose to challenge myself and explore a new path, I couldn't resist.
An Unexpected Opportunity
I lucked out by finding an opportunity to attend a 10-day Vipassana meditation retreat. Intrigued by the idea of exploring the inner workings of my body and mind, I decided to take the plunge. It was 10 full days of tech free silence and meditation. From 4:30am to 9:30pm, my sole focus would be to connect with the inner workings of myself. Although some people don’t make it the full 10 days, I was absolutely determined to make it through and to fully experience the power of this meditation style.
Preparing for Sensitivity
To be all in for this experience, I knew I had to prepare. So, I bid farewell to animal products, bid adieu to caffeine (this was a toughie, those caffeine headaches were no joke), and yes, even paused the self-pleasure. These were the "traditional" practices recommended to increase sensitivity to the more subtle sensations. I really wanted to create the optimal conditions for deepening my connection with my body and exploring the full range of sensations it had to offer. If I was going to go through the effort of being fully off-grid and silent for 10 days, I wanted to ensure that I was getting the absolute most of this experience.
Beyond Pleasure - The Vipassana Experience
It was intense. Not just because of no orgasms or coffee, although that obviously added, but because silence forces you to hear things in your mind that you’ve been ignoring… potentially for decades. The first few days your mind and body are adjusting to the experience. I felt as if the muscle of my mind, to stay present and focused, was exhausted each night as I went to bed. Even my dreams were lit with visions and meditation themed experiences. My body could remain seated in stillness, but my mind felt almost unstoppable. As the days went on and my mind slowly began to follow the rhythm of the practice, I was able to lock in to quiet, almost silent sensations in my body. I was able to experience more of the power of my mind.
The Pleasure Paradox
Now, you might be wondering, would I do it again? Absolutely! But with a twist. You see, orgasms are a powerful way to experience pleasure, and pleasure is all about feeling sensations. However, during my three-week break from orgasms, I realized that there is a paradox at play. When we focus solely on chasing pleasure as a destination, we start to disconnect from the full range of sensations, even the ones we might consider "less desirable." By giving up orgasms for a period of time, I was able to reconnect with the subtler sensations that often go unnoticed. It was like rediscovering a whole new world of pleasure. But, there were times when spontaneous sensations of orgasms would arise during meditation. I quickly squashed them down in an effort to ‘follow the rules’ but, after some conversation and self inquiry, when I do my next vipassana, I plan to simply allow that sensation to be present and to explore it without expectations. Who knows… it might be a whole new level of orgasm unlocked!
Its About More Than Just Pleasure
In the wise words of Brene Brown, "We cannot selectively numb emotions (or sensations). When we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions." These words resonated with me deeply during my three-week journey. By embracing the full spectrum of sensations that my body had, I realized I could unlock a level of pleasure (not necessarily through orgasm) and self-discovery. It was a powerful reminder that pleasure is not just about the destination of orgasm, but about the journey and all the lessons there are to learn. Yes, I already knew that in my head, but this allowed me to remember it in my body.
Your Turn to Decide
So, dear reader, I ask this question to you: Would you give up orgasms for a 10 meditation retreat? Do you think the potential reward would be worth it? It's a journey of self-discovery, a chance to explore the depths of your own sensations. It may seem like a daunting prospect, but the rewards are immeasurable. In the end, it's not just about the orgasms we have, but the full richness of experiences we allow ourselves to embrace. The choice is yours.
If you don’t have 10 days, but want to try dedicating 1 day, check that out here.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some catching up to do. 😉
