5 Tips for Communicating to Your Partner About Your Sexual Preferences

Ever had that moment where you're lying in bed, thinking about something you want to try, but the words just won’t come out? You love your partner, but talking about sex feels a bit... awkward. You don’t want to hurt their feelings, but you also know your intimate life could use a little spark. One of my clients shared a similar story about how she spent weeks hesitating to tell her husband she wanted to experiment with something new in the bedroom. She kept avoiding it until she realized that avoiding the conversation was just keeping her from enjoying the relationship fully.

This hesitation is incredibly common in long-term relationships. After all, talking about your sexual preferences can feel vulnerable—but it doesn’t have to be. With a few mindful steps, you can have open, honest conversations that bring you closer together. Here are five tips to help you confidently talk about sex with your partner, and keep the passion alive in your relationship.

1. Choose the Right Time

Picking the right moment to discuss your sexual preferences is key. Trying to have this conversation in the middle of intimacy can put unnecessary pressure on both of you. Instead, find a neutral, relaxed time—maybe over coffee in the morning or during a cozy evening in. When you’re both feeling at ease, the conversation will flow more naturally and less defensively. Setting the right atmosphere allows for an open exchange of ideas, helping both partners feel heard and understood.

2. Start by Communicating What You Love About Your Partner Sexually

Before diving into what you'd like to explore, take time to express what you already love about your partner sexually. Positive reinforcement can make your partner feel appreciated, which helps create an atmosphere of trust and openness. For example, “I love how you always spend time on foreplay. It makes me feel so turned on and connected with you.” When your partner feels valued, they’re more likely to be receptive to trying new things together.

3. Be Clear, Yet Compassionate

When introducing new preferences, it’s essential to be direct but compassionate. Frame your desires in a way that encourages collaboration rather than criticism. For instance, “I really enjoy when we do X, and I’ve been thinking about how fun it might be to try Y.” This not only acknowledges what’s already great about your intimate life but also invites your partner to explore new possibilities with you.

4. Listen and Be Open to Their Desires

While it’s important to express your own needs, it’s equally important to create space for your partner to share theirs. Ask them what they enjoy or if there’s anything they’ve been curious about exploring. “Is there something you’ve been wanting to try?” or “What turns you on the most?” By actively listening, you show your partner that their desires matter just as much as yours. This shared vulnerability strengthens the connection between you two.

5. Revisit the Conversation Regularly

Communication about sex shouldn’t be a one-time thing. As you both grow, so will your needs and desires. Make a habit of checking in with each other. This can be as simple as asking, “How are you feeling about our sex life? Is there anything new you’d like to try?” These check-ins help you both stay on the same page, ensuring that you’re consistently nurturing your intimate connection and keeping things fresh.

If you are struggling with your libido, check out my blog post on ways to increase your sex drive here

Talking about sex doesn’t have to be intimidating. By focusing on what you love about each other, being clear but kind, and keeping an open line of communication, you can build an even more satisfying and adventurous intimate life. Why not start the conversation today?